monsters under the bed

Saturday, January 24, 2009 at 6:40pm 
*I understand that people who have had abandonment issues tend to pair up with people who are sure to abandon them — or people they can abandon — the way their parents/significant role models did. 

*And I understand that people with abuse issues, tend to pair up with people who who are sure to abuse them — or those who are ripe and looking to be abused, or who will join them in their abuse of others.

*And I understand that people whose role models for marriage/partner relationships have modeled secrecy and lies, tend to find each other and build that kind of relationship for themselves.

I also know that human beings are self-amending. If we examine our lives, our choices, our pasts, the family we grew up in — it is possible to break one of these cycles/patterns.

The unexamined life is not worth living.
Those who don’t learn from history are destined to repeat it.
Choosing to live a life based on self-examination, self-reflexivity, and self-amendment is difficult. It may be the most difficult thing there is.
But the alternative is lonely, miserable, irresponsible, and lazy — and perpetuates the worst of our species.

And my patience has just about run out for people who deliberately choose either to not take those long, harsh-light looks at themselves — or who choose not to do the hard things necessary to improve what they see. I know — I don’t always do this either. But it is the central premise of my life and I’m getting to all those bumps and warts as fast as I can.Nobody else can do these things for us. And any learning, better choice, and improvement is a triumph.

I’m just having a long afternoon of thinking about former friends and others lost to their own lack of self-reflexivity and anti-nomic philosophies. It’s been a long day, and I’m tired of people trying to tell me to let them alone and to accept them “as they are.” If “as they are” is horrible and selfish and mind-numbingly blind to anyone’s feelings but their own — I do not have to accept them as they are.

I can walk away.

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